I starred at the blue stripe on the home pregnancy test.
Positive. Definitely positive.
The electric blue electrified me.
Tears jolted forward.
What just happened? We were careful. How could I be pregnant NOW?
We were just finishing four years of my husband’s seminary training and entering a transition as he serves in a 1-year residency program.
How could I be pregnant NOW?
The light of my faith flickered from trusting, to worried, to angry, then back again.
I cried for a long time. Weeks. Months.
I know the pain of childbirth by c-section, my two boys entered our lives that way. The pain was something I never wanted again. I know the challenges of sleepless nights, meeting the demanding needs of young kids, and the loneliness I feel away from friends and family in another new city.
I can’t do this. I wept and wept.
People offered words of congrats. Believers said, “God will help you. Children are a blessing.” But those words fed the current of resentment.
Yes, I know God will help me, but it doesn’t mean the journey is easy.
I didn’t need candlelight sentiment.
I needed illuminating compassion.
As I called out to the Lord, he led me to the story of Mary, where my need for compassion fused myself to her unexpected pregnancy journey.
Talk about an electrifying situation! She wasn’t even married and her apparent unfaithfulness to her betrothed, Joseph, made her a disgrace to her family.
Not only that, but she came from a family of little means. Not powerful, not political. Humble. Hard-working. Poor.
Then the timing of Jesus’ birth? On the road–away from family–away from friends. Alone with her husband and her trust in God.
So I began to pray for faith like hers. Faith that says, “I am your maidservant.” While submitting with trust to His plan (Luke 1:38).
And the connection of faith strengthened me against the rust of fear as I practiced trusting in the Lord of lights.
God lit the path step by step.
The right doctor, hospital, finances, and then a precious healthy baby after some intense pregnancy scares (down syndrome, deformities, fetal death, etc.) It has been a crazy journey learning about God’s power.
He is our light in the darkness. He is the King of Kings who entered the world, not in a fancy hospital, but out of every convention even for that time—born in a stable—humble and pure.
If our Savior chose such a way, then we can trust Him when our path looks just as frayed, under-supplied, and unknown to us.
Mary’s story is for you
This advent season, are you facing needs you can’t manage? Finances? Family? Friends?
Is there an unknown future that seems dark with doubt?
Maybe this advent season, Mary’s story is for you.
How about you? Has God ever provided for you in unexpected ways? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
Father, God. Thank you for choosing Mary as the Lord’s mother. A woman of faith, but lacking in position, means, and power. She followed you step by step and You provided for her, Joseph, and her family. I pray for the same faith as I mother my children. Please give me courage when nothing I see feels secure. My security is in You. In Jesus’s name, AMEN.
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