Angie thought becoming pregnant would be a cinch. “I’m Latina—we’re typically very fertile,” she said with a chuckle as we chatted on the phone. I’ve known Angie for many years, but the struggle of her faith in her journey of motherhood remained hidden behind what looked like a beautiful contented life.
Nine weeks into her first pregnancy, on a road trip with her husband, Angie’s journey to motherhood took an unexpected detour—bleeding in a porta-potty at the Lambeau Stadium in Green Bay, WI.
“I was spotting and made a make-shift pad with toilet paper,” she said. “I just knew something was not right.”
She faked smiles during the game, and as she and her husband continued on their trip to Indiana the next day, the bleeding increased. Doctors confirmed her miscarriage at a hospital in Indianapolis.
I was afraid that I might not ever be able to have children,” Angie said. “And I had always dreamed about having a family of my own. Never did I think it would be a problem. The enemy attacked my identity as a woman at that time.”
Even when Angie carried to full-term a year later, fear tried to ransack the joy of her healthy pregnancy. Then when their first-born son was two years old, Angie and Josh were overjoyed to find out they were pregnant again. But Angie miscarried during the first trimester.
I thought the first miscarriage might have been a fluke—a one-time thing. When it happened again, that’s when I really started to worry.”
She became pregnant again seven months later, but was gripped with fear.
I was so afraid I was going to lose my baby girl,” Angie said, “I remember kneeling on the floor at the foot of my bed, face down on the carpet, crying and praying one day. I was pleading to the Lord that He would let me keep my baby.”
Angie said a friend loaned her a book called, Ruthless Trust, by Brennan Manning.
I realized my fear stemmed from a lack of trust in God’s goodness. I had to choose: trust God fully or live in fear. I chose to abandon my fears and cling to the Lord.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 comforted her—
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
The need to trust God continues as Angie now raises three healthy kids. Instead of looking for the next bad thing, Angie is learning to trust God for the next good thing.
“God, help me be like a little child, fully trusting in You day by day. I am Your child. Please rid me of anything that craves to fill any hole that can only be filled by You.”
Miscarriages taught Angie—through the pain of loss—that God is trustworthy, even in the darkness. “The fear I once lived with is gone. Fear is demolished by trust.”
HOW ABOUT YOU?
Is there something you are fearing more than you are trusting God?
Take one step today by simply talking out your fear to the Lord. He is ready to listen and to help give you the courage to trust Him with your life, even the parts that don’t go as planned.
Are you hurting? Struggling with a loss?
Share it with someone you can trust who will pray with you. Sharing your hurts lightens the darkness of their hold.
God, help me be like a little child, fully trusting in You day by day. I am Your child. Please rid me of anything that craves to fill any hole that can only be filled by You. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.
How about you? How has God helped you through a challenging time? You can leave a comment by clicking here.