Dominque and Daniel decided to adopt internationally from the start of their marriage.
How God Prepared Me For Fostering To Adopt
They waited on God through stacks of papers, prayers for government favor, and years of friends starting their own families. Dominque launched a late-night cake pop business on the side of her full-time schedule to pay for adoption fees.
They tasted amazing.
After years of endurance, the agency called with the words they prayed for: they were down to only a handful of parents on the waiting list. Now excitement added to the ingredients of patience and perseverance. Weeks before the finalization of their adoption they received more news.
Sometimes it feels like I am the only mom that screws up. I’m the only mom that replied with a harsh word, forgot to sign the permission slip, or can’t keep up with the pile of laundry. I’m the only Christian mom whose kids run down the church hallway after asking them to walk, who throws together a PB&J every day for lunch without notice of nutritional balance, or who sometimes rushes through morning prayers to shuttle kids to school.
(Photo Courtesy of Unsplash)
In all these things I sometimes think I am failing God and He must be shaking his head at me saying, “I’m disappointed in you.”
But scripture tells us differently.
On April 2, 2010 Kavin entered the world through an emergency caesarean. Immediately the docs swooped away my sweet boy. In the post operating room a guy in a white coat said a blur of words: hole—diaphragm—can’t breath—lungs—may not live—emergency—surgery—transport—will know more later. After carrying this life inside of me for nine months, my arms and womb lay empty. Three dark days passed as I waited to be discharged from the hospital.
(Kavin, 17 days old, 7 days post surgery)
It felt like my heart twisted and turned in pain. God’s goodness and plan hid in the shadows of fear and disappointment. In just a few moments, I pondered the crossroad of my faith. Three paths presented themselves. 1) Question God and stay mad at Him. 2) Stop believing. 3) Trust. The despair of possibly loosing my son catapulted me to fall at the throne of grace and weep. “Dear, God! Please save my son! Dear, God! Please save my son.”
I laid in the post-op room after an emergency c-section with my first born son, Kavin. I knew I was a Christian, but my faith rattled. Natural birth plans tossed aside when his head crowned, but wouldn’t push through—and then doctors raced him out of the operating room for assessment.
They took my baby away.
Empty-armed I waited.
Some guy in a white coat stood about five feet from the foot of my roll-away bed and said, “Your baby is sick. He has a hole in his diaphragm. We need to take him to another hospital. The doctor will be here to tell you more later.” He walked away. I laid there.
Alone. Empty-armed. Empty-hearted.
Are my children my greatest calling as a mother? What about the poor? Using my gifts to serve the church? What about my passion to create? To exercise? To work?
How can we, as mothers, know what our greatest calling is? How can we prioritize our lives to live out our days faithfully?
Christian messages cheered me on to stay home full-time, yet muffled the burning passion within me to serve the world beyond my kitchen sink. The cries of my children, the empty fridge needing groceries, the dust on the floors, the clothes in the wash—all whispering, “Forget your other dreams.” I thought that is what Christian moms do. Put everything aside to focus in on our kids. If that was what Jesus wants for moms, why did I feel so sad?
Then the Lord and a woman changed my perspective.
Have more on your “want to get done” list than ever? I know I do. So I asked a mentor, “how do you know what to do when so many priorities scream for your attention?”
“When I open my eyes for the day I ask the Lord, what are your priorities for me today? And I silently listen. So I make those things my priorities. Some days its caring for my kids all day. Other days its projects or meetings too. But I just do what I sense God is leading me to and don’t worry about the rest,” she said.
Now, I still have time set aside for regularly structured things, like groceries, blogging, and cooking dinner, to name a few. But as I started implementing her advice, I feel so much less stressed when I run out of time but still have boxes unchecked.
This week, may we each pray and ask God “What are your priorities for me today?” And as we listen, may that which we accomplish be enough.
Have a great week!