When God Doesn’t Heal

THE DIAGNOSIS

This week I took Kavin, my 4-year-old, to his “complex intake” appointment at his new pediatrician, who utilizes integrated medicine. He opened up computer documents with chemical compounds, colors, and lines difficult to understand.

“There is a problem. Kavin’s nutritional panel looks like he is a starving child. Most of the essential nutrients are way below normal,” The doctor said.

I looked at the “X’s” marked on the scale. Most of them were on the far right, showing the severity of lack of nutrients in his blood. In addition, several other things appeared severely imbalanced.  He suggested a couple changes for the next month.

“Let’s do that first. I think you will find a significant improvement. Then, in about 4 weeks, I want you to put him on the G.A.P.S. diet, minus the eggs. After another 4 weeks once his stomach is healing from the new diet, we will send in a prescription for a personalized nutrient compound supplement to get his body back to where it needs to be. See you in two months.”

He might as well have said, “I want you to fly to the moon, minus the rocket.” I heard about the G.A.P.S. diet. Eating bone broth and fermented foods… how will I ever know how to make this all and how will I coerce a 4-year-old to eat it?

I am thankful the doctor didn’t say, “cancer, surgery, or incurable disease,” but it still feels like entering an unknown land where God will need to show me where to go.  I much rather have the exact map and directions.

MISPLACED EXPECATIONS

People have prayed for Kavin his whole life. From the moment he was born and struggled to survive his hole in his diaphragm… and to his intense skin issues… I think he is one of the most prayed-for people I know.

The morning of his surgery at 10 days old Jason and I demanded one more x-ray. We believed God healed him. The hole still visible, his intestines still in his lung cavity, we walked our infant down to surgery and prayed he would survive.

I expected the x-ray to show a miracle. I also expected the doctor this week to say, “oh. No big deal. Just take this natural pill and Kavin will be all better.”

Kavin needed to go through the intense surgery. God led us through the wilderness of unknown possible complications and uncertain length of time. Now he needs to go through an intense diet. As his mother, and the one responsible for feeding the family with a lack of kitchen skills, I feel as incompetent and (honestly) intimidated that the place my son will find healing is the place I least want to live my life… the kitchen.

THE SACRIFICE

The Holy Spirit nudges the inside of my heart and speaks, “the least place I wanted to be is the cross. The least competent moment I felt was when I became sin for all sin. But God the Father raised me from the grave three days later. Sorrow lasts for the night, but joy comes in the morning.”

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Psalm 28:7

A DIFFERENT PATH

Sometimes, although we pray and believe God is able, He chooses a different path of healing for us: the path of cancer treatments; the path of diet changes; the path of therapy; the path of perseverance.  

I think through the Gospels. Jesus could have healed the same way each time he healed. Sometimes he spit on dirt and rubbed the eyes of the blind. Another time the bleeding woman simply needed to just touch his cloak. Yet other times His words brought wholeness. In many different ways He chose to heal.

I cannot understand why He chooses this path rather than a pill, potion, or miraculous power to heal Kavin. I much rather live in the living room playing with the boys than in the kitchen making food. But instead of shoving in my heals and resisting the Father, I accept His assignment in complete dependence on Him.

Apart from Him, I cannot do this. Apart from Jesus, I don’t know how to be a keeper of the home, to raise my children in the wisdom and instruction of God, to love my husband well, to write the assignments He gives, to take seminary classes, to be a good friend and love my neighbors… and most pressing… to learn a new way of cooking and living to bring healing to Kavin’s body.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

John 15:5

We may not understand all the reasons He chooses to allow any of us to go through tough seasons, sometimes lifetimes, of sickness or other disabilities. Yet we can trust He is right here. He upholds us, shapes us, and uses all our breaths for His renown and glory. The unbelieving world looks on and tastes the hope we have in Him. This is how our lives may be salt and light to the world.

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how [a]can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.

Matthew 5:13-15

To Him be all the glory, and honor, and praise.

Is there a time God did not answer your prayer for healing in the way you expected? How did you see Him move in that season of your life? What would you have missed if you never went through the journey?

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